Gyro Drop

I knew I was damn serious when I said there'll be so many transformations during 2024. It was like a prayer, like a déjà vu, as if my future self was trying to forewarn me of something. Some things change, some stay, and some grow, and throughout this, I am happy to announce that I discovered a lot. Some nights I couldn't sleep, couldn't listen to any tunes cause it's all somehow aligned with one another. Texting my parents more often than at any other time in my life. Contacted my therapist to use my paid session that I couldn't attend last time.

Rather than a rollercoaster, this year hits me like a gyro drop.

So many small steps I took this year, maybe less influencing but still contributing to who I am now.

I love how I know how to create this page and manage my own space here.

I also find so many ways to see the beautiful parts of the world, the art of noticing—people say. I love seeing the grass glistening before my eyes. Surpassing the past and taking it through different lenses, with no hate, projecting no blame, fully awake.

I could run now; I feel tough even though it's still a long way to go.

I noticed how important it is to take care of my body, so I purchased moisturizing products to keep it lovely. I'm in love with scent—powdery, milky, ocean fresh; I love to smell good.

I took level 2 of Loving Myself, and this year involves breaking and embarrassing myself as a practicum class.

I understand my parents so much better. Unresolved mysteries the little old me would be wondering. Lots of comparing I did back then. Revealed answers day by day, month by month.

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I can cook so many meals now; I'm proud of my cooking, and it's one of the most awaited routines in my day. It was astonishing how creativity contributes to my cooking. I just know I'll be so delighted to cook for someone and let them be a judge for my little experiment, one day.

I feel less insecure about my looks now. A smile does look good on me; it surprised me too. Took so many pics lately. I'm happy I did.

It's arrogant to say that I don't need validation of what I should achieve but knowing what I own now and acknowledging every process of it is enough. I won't sabotage my own healing now; the sooner I handle this, the sooner the flower blooms. I was once the best saboteur of my own healing. I don't know why I did all that. I was just sad and blinded. I wish we all grow from the same advice.

My perception of love language also widened. Those bullshit people make online didn't really mention this. It's a bit ironic saying this, but I am relieved I learned this myself. Don't you know how much you pour your love into one person won't transfer to them as love if it doesn't suit how they interpret love? You won't eat a cake that looks like shit, will you?

It's mesmerizing watching God play the puppeteer in our lives, directing our every move. That 'I win' grin, broken promises, silent regrets, longing tears, grateful notes, and short, uninteresting late-night phone calls. All that storyline, season after season, still unfolding under God's direction, watching peacefully from above. Seeing people crawl back towards that path, scratching their nails on the floor, eyes swollen, defeated by their own wills. 

Just like a gyro drop, this page feels like a freefall—like I'm diving into the unknown, unsure of when or how I’ll hit the ground. But what I’m realizing is that I’m not sinking alone. The people who matter now, the ones who care and stand by me, are helping me find my feet, even when it feels like the ground is out of reach. 

I’m still panting in the grass, tying my shoes, not trying to lap anything, still surviving.

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Oh look, I even found my new coping mechanism; it is sure nice!