From the last post, I posted on Instagram, I mentioned how things would be super personal in the upcoming posts. But it wasn't actually about this, that I meant 'personal'. There's something more urgent for me to get out of my head compared to the actual reason.
The arrogance of wanting to escape hardship.
Handling workloads, unhealthy communication flows, and a poor management system.
Well, those are some things...
But the people are certainly something else.
Toxic and narcissistic people who point out mistakes and frame them as their trophy. I really don't know where this would take me. Wherever it is, I always slip a prayer or two every Fajr. Because, not going to lie, I'm scared as hell.
Oh, and being a punchbag when shit happens, don't get me started...Eliminating others' emotional state only for their sake of sanity. If they're sane, then that's what matters. Completely inconsiderate of others' ability to reset after being blamed for something they didn't do.
The most childish and unprofessional, I'll take it if it's on me, but when it's not, lol, that's messed up, girl.
What if I run out of patience today, and instead of sucking it up, I talk back? I can even imagine myself writing a resignation letter. I am generally not a patient person, and I am grumpy as hell. But I've been holding it, I'm afraid I'll lash out, and it'll be the end of me :)
Sometimes, I ask myself, " How am I gonna survive this environment? Am I worrying too much? Or, am I so full of myself? Or, can we just work normally as a team? Or, what am I worthy of, so I have to go through this? "
I literally bawled my eyes out almost every day now. I'd say things like "Fuck it, I'm out of here."
I don't know if it's wisdom or a weakness to know I want to leave.
They say don't get comfortable. Damn right, who would be?
I scream to myself, "Oh God, I effing hate all of them."
At the end of the day, I'm just gonna suck it up and fucking deal with it like an adult. Maybe it's a rookie mistake to trust people and take everything seriously.
Right?
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